Major Wooing
by girlgonemadd
Summary: Rodney uses his strengths to figure out matters of the heart. Stargate Atlantis slash
1. Chapter 1

-1 Major Wooing (or How to Woo a Major in Ten Easy Steps)

Chapter 1

Summary: Rodney uses his strengths to figure out matters of the heart.

Dr. Rodney McKay, Chief Science Officer of the Atlantis Expedition, understood he didn't deal well with people on a personal level, that had simply been a fact of life for as long as he could remember and suited him fine most of the time. Only now there was a major problem with that lack of ability. One _Major _John Sheppard, as a matter of fact.

One morning, on an off-world mission, the Major had gotten up early. He stretched out, dressed only in his fatigue pants and black t-shirt. It was in that one moment that Rodney realized he was completely lost. That the sight of a rumpled, sleepy-eyed, barefoot man could turn him on and make his heart (as well as other body parts) swell…it had to be love.

Being the scientist that he was, he spent a great deal of time trying to discover why bare feet would be a turn on and came to realize a few things:

1. Feet weren't a particularly romantic part of the body. 

2. Only the Major's feet turned him on.

3. If the Major's feet could turn him on, he was screwed royally.

Logically there were choices to make regarding this situation and Rodney pondered each carefully… 

1. Do nothing and pretend he didn't have feelings for the Major.

2. Do nothing while loving the Major from afar.

3. Tell the Major how he felt.

4. Show the Major how he felt.

Not being one who tolerated pain well, the first two choices were not viable as they guaranteed a broken heart. Choices three and four initially seemed like good selections - until the risks and resultant humiliation were taken into consideration.

Telling or showing the Major would leave Rodney open to direct rejection if the Major didn't like men, didn't like him, or just laughed in his face.

It was obvious further data was required before continuing. So for two weeks, Rodney kept detailed data on the Major to discover if he were attracted to just women or men as well. Using the standard physiological reactions a typical person had when viewing someone attractive, Rodney was able to conclude the following:

1. The Major's eyes darkened at the sight of Teyla's legs.

2. The Major's breathing increased slightly at the sight of Elizabeth in a tank top.

3. The Major (when he believed no one was looking) stole glances at Stackhouse's and Bates' asses.

That experiment supported the conclusion that the Major enjoyed the assets of both sexes - which left Rodney with a bit of a quandary. What was the best manner in which to discover if the Major liked him?

_Telling_the Major had the possibility of him laughing in his face, something Rodney preferred to avoid. That left _showing_ the Major as the most viable option as any subtle displays could be explained away as mere acts of friendship if the Major rebuffed any of Rodney's advances.

Unaccustomed to properly winning over the affections of another as Rodney was, it became immediately apparent that rules would be required in what Rodney now considered Operation Major Wooing.

---tbc


	2. Chapter 2

Major Wooing (or How to Woo a Major in Ten Easy Steps)

Chapter 2

Summary: Rodney discovers ways to woo John through scientific experimentation.

Having no real idea how to go about wooing someone, Rodney recalled an obscure article he'd read once, when bored out of his mind during a doctor's visit, entitled 'How to Woo a Woman in Ten Easy Steps.' Using it as a template for winning over the Major, Rodney contemplated the ten steps involved:

1. Dress for Success

2. Clean up your act

3. Brush up on sexual knowledge

4. Pay attention to details

5. Small and thoughtful beats big and grandiose

6. Don't become best friends before the relationship gets romantic

7. Do what you say you're going to do but not more

8. Make sure she equates you with fun

9. Make her laugh

10. Cook her dinner

----------- 

1. Dress for Success.

Using proximity, duration of eye contact, length of time spent in the same room, and physical contact, Rodney was somewhat surprised to find that the data heavily supported his wearing of the blue, short-sleeved shirt that was part of his daily uniform, rather than the civilian shirt he thought flattered him best. The chart he gazed upon reflected a clear and dramatic increase in all four measured variables.

Saving that information into an encrypted, password-locked file with the rest of the data, Rodney knew he'd have to wear those blue shirts sparingly or they would lose their reinforcement value.

"McKay."

Rodney looked up to find the Major in the doorway, those hazel eyes skimming over the tight fitting shirt that had been accidentally washed in hot water.

"Major?"

The tip of a pink tongue poked out to move over dry lips.

"Major?"

The Major looked up sharply, a flush rising up his neck. "Ah…Briefing. We have a briefing in five minutes."

"Are you alright?"

"Fine...Fine."

Rodney smiled as he watched the Major turn and flee, knowing he'd have to conduct further testing to discover exactly how tight those shirts needed to be for the maximum reaction.

---tbc


	3. Chapter 3

Major Wooing (or How to Woo a Major in Ten Easy Steps)

Chapter 3

Summary: Boys Scouts come prepared and Rodney discovers certain words can make you blush.

2. Clean up your act

If he recalled this part of the article correctly, it vaguely mentioned personal hygiene and went into detail about having a clean apartment or room. Rodney always took pride in keeping himself and his clothes neat and clean, (when they weren't out on missions and being chased by whoever got offended that day.) And he always kept his lab immaculate and organized. But his quarters were a pigsty, so he spent what he considered to be a reasonable amount of time cleaning and organizing that space. It was hard to believe that the Major might be spending any time there, but it was part of the rules and Rodney was on a mission, so all bases had to be covered.

And with that in mind, he headed to the infirmary for a few supplies.

"Second drawer down," the accented voice announced halfway through Rodney's search.

With a start, Rodney stood up and attempted to appear as though he hadn't been pilfering through the medical supplies. "What? What's in the second drawer down?"

"The prophylactics." Dr. Carson Beckett, Chief Medical Officer, replied, doing his best to keep a straight face.

Hoping he wasn't blushing, Rodney did what he knew best, he rolled his eyes and snarked at his friend, "As well intended as that might be, I was looking for lotion for my hands. They've been getting pretty dried out lately and it hurts." He'd already found the condoms and had stuffed them into the inside pocket of his jacket for safe keeping.

Concern immediately crossed Carson's face as he stepped forward to lift and examine Rodney's hand and then pulled his head down to examine his face.

"Hey!" Rodney protested at the rough treatment, wondering if Carson knew he was lying straight through his teeth or if he simply enjoyed giving Rodney this much grief.

Carson let go. "You don't look dehydrated. Have you experienced any dizziness, nausea, or cramps?"

"No!" Rodney responded, desperately wishing for a quick escape. "I just want some lotion!"

"It might help if you drink more water instead of all that coffee but I'll fix you up with something." The doctor reached into the first drawer on the left and brought out a tube of lotion. "If it doesn't help after a few days, you need to let me know."

"Sure, sure." Rodney muttered, already heading for the door.

"Rodney?"

He stopped and turned around. "Yes?"

Carson looked hesitant for a moment then pushed on. "Is everything all right? You've been a wee bit distracted lately."

That was true, there had been little opportunity to spend time with anyone, and a flicker of guilt shot through the scientist. "Ah… Just working on a personal project, Carson."

"I see." Carson paused, as if hoping for more information but as the silence stretched, he sighed. "Well, perhaps we can share a bit of breakfast tomorrow?"

"Breakfast sounds good." Rodney nodded and sighed with relief when he finally made it out of the infirmary.

Rodney started back to his quarters. He knew Carson meant well and he had been neglecting his friendship with the Doctor lately. He would have to make certain to schedule breakfast together a few times a week on his palm pilot.

As he continued to his quarters with the newly acquired supplies, he pondered whether liberating the kitchen of a few treats would be as difficult.

---tbc


	4. Chapter 4

Major Wooing (or How to Woo a Major in Ten Easy Steps)

Chapter 4

Summary: What a man in love will do.

3. Brush up on sexual knowledge

Brushing up on sexual knowledge seemed reasonable, Rodney thought to himself, considering he'd only ever experimented with men as far as mutual hand jobs in the past. After the near fiasco with Carson in the infirmary, there was no way he was going to ask his friend about how to have sex with a man. He'd die of embarrassment long before he got the words out and he had a feeling Carson didn't want to know that much about his sex life anyway.

Given that there wasn't a copy of _The Cookbook of Gay Sex _to be found anywhere in the city and the Ancients described positions Rodney was positive weren't humanly possible, another source of information would have to be found.

Rodney spent nearly a week contemplating who else to approach for further education on same-sex relationships. He considered - and dismissed - nearly everyone on Atlantis. Living in such tight quarters made keeping secrets difficult and he had no intention of broadcasting to anyone what he was doing.

That was how he found himself in the Athosian village. Having expressed a vague interest in the ore veins near the village, Rodney spent a few hours one afternoon conducting scans. Halling had accompanied him and after a great deal of fumbling around the subject, Halling brightened with understanding.

During a conversation with Teyla on human courting rituals on an off-world mission, they had come to learn that the Athosians were very open-minded regarding love and sex. Rodney followed Halling back into the village as the sun was setting and hoped he'd made the right decision.

Dinner was pleasant and friendly and afterwards Halling motioned him to a hut. "Dr. McKay, this is Arden. I've taken the liberty of discussing your situation with him and he's agreed to assist. Should you need anything further, I'll be in my hut," and before Rodney could say a word, Halling was gone.

"Ah… Arden." Great, it had been bad enough imagining talking to Halling about this, now he was supposed to talk to a complete stranger?

Arden was a tall, good-looking man with long, golden locks. He was younger than Halling and had a broad chest. His skin was tanned from hours of working the fields.

"Dr. McKay, please relax. This will be an enjoyable experience for all."

Rodney's eyes doubled in size. "Wh-what?"

The man began stripping out of his clothes, revealing more of that smooth, sun-kissed skin. "Take off your clothes."

"I…I really think you have the wrong idea. This isn't what I meant when I spoke with Halling - "

Arden gazed at him thoughtfully for a moment, then brightened. "Of course. One moment please." The Athosian disappeared into another room and Rodney thought he might collapse from shock. When Teyla had said her people were open-minded, he'd really had no clue what she meant.

Arden returned with another Athosian, similar in build but with curly black hair. "This is Keris, my companion. I have explained to him your desire for your first time to be with your beloved and he is willing to have you observe."

"Ob…Observe?" Rodney squeaked.

---------------

The next morning when the Major exited the Jumper to collect Rodney, he found the scientist packed and typing furiously into his laptop.

"I can't imagine ore being that exciting."

Rodney quickly saved and closed the file, snapping shut the laptop as he attempted to regulate his breathing. "You're right, it's not. Shall we go?" He picked up his things and headed for the Jumper without another word. Stopping just inside the Jumper, he turned to look back at the Major and realized he'd have to construct a completely different database to test out all the new theories flying around in his head.

As he took in the cutting figure of the Major in his uniform, Rodney realized he'd need two databases to hold the data from all the testing he wanted to conduct.

---tbc


	5. Chapter 5

Major Wooing (or How to Woo a Major in Ten Easy Steps)

Chapter 5

Summary: Be afraid, be very afraid.

4. Pay attention to details.

Rodney McKay was a man of details. He understood the details of physics, Stargate operations and of many of the Ancient artifacts they'd discovered - just to name a few of the vast areas in which he was a leading expert. So he found it exceptionally easy to discover a great deal of the Major's history; his likes and dislikes, his personality type, the manner in which he made decisions and his eating habits.

It also didn't escape Rodney's attention that the Major had become increasingly curious about what projects he was working on - often barging in at random times in an attempt to catch him off guard. Knowing the Major as he did, Rodney went to great lengths to create several fictitious projects and encrypt them with numerical sequences of increasing complexity that, while difficult to break, would not be impossible for someone who was a mathematical genius - given a little time. He'd be able to track the Major's progress through each stage, receiving an alert when the next security level was reached.

Seven files contained half-formulated theories that at one time had held promise, but had later been discarded as new information came to light disproving their viability.

Four files contained obscure and extremely complex mathematical equations that were sure to keep the Major in arithmetic heaven until he discovered that all four equations held subtle flaws.

Two files contained audio recordings of Rodney's favorite songs.

One file contained the schematic blueprints for building a prototype Puddle Jumper with increased range, maneuverability advancements and superior velocity.

The last, Rodney was certain, would drive the Major insane (as any mention of the project would have to be followed by a confession of breaking into Rodney's files.)

"Dr. McKay?"

Rodney looked up from his laptop to find Ford giving him an odd look.

"What?"

"Are you planning on world domination or something?"

A frown. "What?"

"That evil scientist grin on your face is scaring me."

---tbc


	6. Chapter 6

Major Wooing (or How to Woo a Major in Ten Easy Steps)

Chapter 6

Summary: In which Rodney learns that socks can be dangerous but a flock of frenzied fans are even more perilous.

5. Small and thoughtful beats big and grandiose

As simple as this sounded, Rodney found that most of his ideas fell into the 'big and grandiose' heading. For a long time he stared at the plans for the Ferris Wheel, unsure of when it had morphed from a simple working model to a full-scale replica. Not only was it big and grandiose, it was impractical and time consuming.

The model for the Puddle Fighter had started expanding in much the same manner as designs and applications from several different alien technologies were applied to the blueprints. Reluctantly dragging his attention away from the enticing challenge of the Fighter, the scientist set it aside to re-think the meaning behind this particular topic with some exasperation.

Small and thoughtful meant more personal, though honestly Rodney couldn't believe the Major wouldn't enjoy either a Ferris Wheel or a new ship to pilot. But rules were rules for a reason, so he set about looking for 'small' things to do.

Going back to his data, Rodney finally hit upon a few ideas. The first was to make certain the Major's favorite (or at least most tolerated) MRE's were available on all off-world missions. That task was completed with relative ease, so he turned his attention to the next idea.

To Rodney's utter disgust, the evidence for true love became even more apparent the day he volunteered for laundry duty and found himself staring at a questionable article of clothing that was supposed to be a military-issued sock. He shuddered at the thought that the sock's condition was due to several days of use, while at the same time keeping a cautious watch for any threatening movements, as he prepared the laundry to be washed. A feeling of nausea rushed through him as he considered the alternate possibility - that the sock was in this condition due to only one day of wear.

A few days later another opportunity presented itself when the Major discovered his coffee mug had developed a crack in it and had to be discarded. As luck would have it, their next off-world trip put them in contact with very friendly natives who offered a wide selection of goods which included pottery.

"Dr. McKay, why are you running away from that group of frenzied women?" Teyla asked, when Rodney stopped to catch his breath.

"The Major!" He wheezed out venomously.

"The Major sent them after you? For what purpose?"

"No! No! The Major took a liking to this symbol." He held up the mug embellished with the design of a native idol. "Of course he did! He couldn't take a liking to fuzzy animals or abstract art! He's a walking, talking menace!"

"I do not understand."

"The Major broke his mug and I thought I'd get him a new one. He mentioned liking this design but, of course, it's the villagers' symbol of fertility! Anyone who displays it is considered to be available for an 'intimate' relationship!"

"So those women..."

"Yes!"

"McKay?" The Major joined them. "Is something wrong?"

"THERE HE IS! LET'S GET HIM GIRLS!" The cry went out.

"Here!" Rodney thrust the mug into the Major's hands. "This is for you!"

And he ran for his life.

---tbc


	7. Chapter 7

Major Wooing (or How to Woo a Major in Ten Easy Steps)

Chapter 7

Summary: Be careful what you play with, people might get the wrong (or right) ideas.

6. Don't become best friends before the relationship gets romantic

According to the article, it wasn't wise to become best friends prior to the relationship becoming romantic, in that there had to first be a public display of affection such as kissing and/or hand holding.

Rodney thought the rule sucked eggs.

There was, of course, no mention of how to go about initiating this public display of affection. There was also a lack of detail as to what constituted such a public display of affection. Did there have to be witnesses? Or was it merely that the event should take place in a public environment, regardless of who was there?

Given the possible consequences of having witnesses and the fact that Rodney didn't care for making public displays of affection, he decided a deserted, public location would be good enough.

But how to initiate such a display was difficult to plan out. Thoughts of a frontal versus a stealth attack raced around for a short while before he discarded the entire idea and returned once again to his data.

It was interesting to note that the Major had actually made it through the first seven of the encrypted files on various outdated theories that Rodney had planted. As soon as the Major reached the mathematical equations, Rodney decided it would be a good tactic to drop in on him - frequently - with any number of silly requests. Preferably while wearing his blue shirt.

Running the data through several processes, Rodney discovered another weapon at his disposal.

Apparently the Major liked to stare at his lips. It didn't seem to matter if he was frowning, yelling, laughing or smiling, the Major's gaze was often drawn to Rodney's mouth.

Staring into a mirror, Rodney couldn't imagine that anyone would care for lips that were thin and crooked, but the data was not to be argued with. So he put together another experiment. He would determine which expression seemed to draw the Major's interest the most.

It came down to a tie.

It was a surprise to discover that pouting was a guaranteed attention-getter no matter what the Major's mood or where they were at the time.

And the tie? Well, it wasn't technically an expression…It was something Rodney stumbled upon by accident as he consumed a popsicle one hot afternoon. He discovered that sucking on anything remotely phallic caused the Major's eyes to darken and dilate and his breathing to hitch. Those physical indicators were often followed by a sudden departure of the immediate area.

"Cease!"

Rodney looked up from his work to frown at Zelenka. "What?"

"All that - that flirting with every inanimate object you touch! Kavanagh arrives momentarily and will _never_ depart if he witnesses such fornication!"

"What!"

Zelenka sighed in exasperation. "Why else do you think he comes here? Why else does he drop by? Why else does pony-tailed American offer assistance with projects not assigned to his team?"

" -...- " It took a moment for Rodney to collect his scattered thoughts and for the implication of what Zelenka was suggesting to sink in. "Kavanagh!" That wasn't a squeak, it wasn't.

Zelenka rolled his eyes. "Please, just leave! I will inform Kavanagh you are at meeting or saving universe once again. Hurry! Go! Go!"

Rodney barely had time to protest as the Czech literally pushed him out of the lab and left him standing, stunned, in the middle of the hall desperately clutching his laptop and paperwork.

"McKay."

Rodney jumped, startled. The papers went floating down to the floor and he barely kept hold of the laptop as he stared at the Major with a 'deer in the headlights' look.

"Major." Rodney busied himself with picking up the fallen papers and the Major bent down to help. When their hands brushed, Rodney stood up and looked up into eyes so wide there was little of the iris left. A thrill raced through him and he felt his breath catch in his throat.

"You have something on your chin, right there." The Major drawled softly. Glancing down at Rodney's full hands, he added, "Here…Let me get that for you." And leaning forward, the Major licked him clean.

And the planet ceased it's rotation.

"Veggie burger with barbeque sauce MRE?" The Major whispered, so close his breath was warm against sensitive skin.

Rodney could only nod. He was sure his brain was still in there, but for the moment it had completely deserted him.

A seductive grin crossed the Major's face. "My favorite." And with that, he sauntered off down the hall, whistling one of Rodney's favorite songs.

Rodney's body shuddered in delight and the papers floated through the air to land on the floor once more.

...tbc

A/N: I alsothought this rule sucked eggs because it was difficult to write this chapter. It took several re-writes to get it anywhere close to what I wanted. Thanks to both Beth and Lorelle for all their help in checking it over and offering suggestions. Thanks to everyone who have left feedback, it is greatly appreciated!


	8. Chapter 7 and a half

Major Wooing (or How to Woo a Major in Ten Easy Steps)

Chapter 7 ½

Summary: Zelenka may die laughing. No. Really.

"What!"

Zelenka sighed, trying to tune out the conversation in the lab, as he scanned through the figures on the screen in front of him.

"…native plants are an excellent source for a variety of lubricants…"

Hot tea spewed across the laptop and Zelenka struggled to breathe, desperate for air between the wheezing and shocked laughter. Looking up, he nearly choked to death on a gasp of air as he watched McKay's stumbling, backwards retreat and Kavanagh's over-eager advance around the main bench in the lab.

"…see the botanist for cataloging…" McKay was stuttering through a poorly devised rebuff that was intended to get Kavanagh to leave.

But what did he expect, Zelenka thought, as he tried for another breath. Just minutes earlier he'd observed McKay absently and perversely fondling a writing stylus while deep in thought. It would have made Zelenka shudder to consider what McKay's thoughts had been but he was having too much trouble inhaling precious oxygen into his lungs to really care at the moment

"…project we could work on together, to foster _closer_ relations between science department members…" Kavanagh's voice droned on.

It was McKay's fault. He had tried to warn him. But Kavanagh had caught the man in the hall and they'd started this verbal sparring the moment they entered the lab. Had he been able to exhale adequately, Zelenka would have snorted, knowing Kavanagh probably considered this foreplay.

It had started some months ago when McKay started showing up to work in shirts a little too tight and muttering something under his breath about variance in shrinkage. One shirt that should have cut off all circulation to the brain (and Zelenka had to wonder if that had, indeed, happened) had spun that long-haired scientist by his braided pony-tail into a breathless, besotted fool.

"…willing to take on additional responsibilities. I don't mind working late hours…"

Zelenka had noticed a few weeks ago that McKay was literally fondling everything within reach. Like a blind man tracing the contours of some unknown object, McKay's long, elegant fingers had caressed every piece of equipment in the lab. He was oblivious to how his actions affected those around him. Unfortunately, for those who shared the lab, it had Kavanagh in their faces at all hours as he drooled after McKay.

Did the foolish American not see that McKay's affections lay elsewhere?

Did those two buffoons not see he was choking to death?

A hard smack to his back jolted his body into action and Zelenka gasped for air, feeling his lungs burning.

"…get him to the infirmary…"

"…help you…"

As unconsciousness rushed in to greet him, his last thought was of the kind, handsome physician.

Perhaps Beckett would put him out of his misery while he was there.

---tbc

A/N: This chapter was written after Chapter 8 when the totally evil Goo insisted on knowing 'what' Rodney had been fondling and insisted on a chapter of Kavanagh 'chaising' Rodney about. Hence Chapter 7 1/2 was born.


	9. Chapter 8

Major Wooing (or How to Woo a Major in Ten Easy Steps)

Chapter 8

Summary: The sign on the door reads: Genius At Work.

7. Do what you say you're going to do but not more

'Show you do what you say you're going to do but don't pile on the favors that weren't asked for.'

Rodney believed this rule contradicted Rule Number 5 (small and thoughtful beats big and grandiose), as most gifts weren't asked for. He'd certainly gone to great lengths (and nearly provided prodigies to an orgy of willing women), to secure those 'small and thoughtful' gifts.

Whoever wrote the rules didn't seem to view logic in any linear sense.

"Harder!"

Rodney watched with fascination as his fingers pressed into muscles over the lean torso of pale, pale skin that was warm and quivering. Reaching up to shoulders and arms that held a quiet power, his fingertips traced over long lines and defined curves with reverence. Fingers raked along the spine and down to the display of hips that generated peculiar flutterings in Rodney's stomach. Moving back up, he explored the risings and dips over the ribs and smiled at the reaction. The Major was ticklish.

Hands flat, fingers reaching for as much of that delicious skin as possible, Rodney was glad the Major couldn't see his face. From the heat it was giving off, he knew he was blushing.

Pushing in, he exhaled softly, losing himself in the sensations of flesh on flesh and the scent of the Major that was as distinct as it was impossible to define.

"Right there, Rodney. Harder!" The Major moaned.

His fingers worked on the knot of muscles just below the left shoulder - evidence of the hard labor endured for twelve hours straight as punishment for entering a temple without prior approval from the local Elders.

"The sign was huge, how could you have missed it?"

"I didn't _miss _it - I couldn't read it!"

"Oh yeah…and the big, angry red letters didn't give you a clue?"

As Rodney continued with the massage, the Major groaned. "Nothing ventured, nothing gained."

"You _gained_ a messed-up back." Rodney felt the need to point out. Again.

"And a back massage." The Major's smug smile and lecherous gaze was evident - even in profile.

Heat flushed Rodney's face once more at the look being directed his way. "I promised a massage and _you _promised Carson you'd take your medication and get some rest." He got up, threw the Major his shirt and headed for the door.

Perhaps whoever wrote this rule wasn't lacking in logic after all, but had learned that experience didn't always equate to logic. It was another interesting theory to test out.

"You're going?" The Major gave him the works - puppy dog eyes and that pout with the slightest hint of a smile on one side.

"I have work to do and you need your rest." Rodney gently admonished. It seemed the Major had not only gone through the last of the bogus files he'd set up, but he'd also disabled a number of the security alarms. Several ideas on how to keep the Major busy while he concluded his study were bouncing around his head.

"Rodney?" The Major asked in hushed tones.

"Yes?"

"Is that the evil scientist look you scared Ford with?"

"Does it work?"

"TEYLA!"

...tbc


	10. Chapter 9

Major Wooing (or How to Woo a Major in Ten Easy Steps)

Chapter 9

Summary: The fun isn't always the destination, it can be the journey in getting there.

8. Make sure she equates you with fun

Rodney McKay had been called many things, intelligent, dedicated, arrogant and even selfish, but he'd never been called a fun person. And while the rules were working well so far, Rodney feared his lack of social skills would ensure defeat this time.

How was he supposed to be fun?

Instead of trying to be fun, Rodney concluded the next best thing was to do something the Major found fun. When he suggested building a small-scale model of the Puddle Fighter, he knew immediately he'd suggested the perfect project. The Major's face had lit up like a child's on Christmas morning.

Which is how he found himself trying to sneak through the halls of Atlantis.

Dressed all in black, they moved quietly through each section of the city without detection. It had taken a few minor programs to hide their life sign signals so they could pass through the city undetected. The Major's training helped them dodge the military patrols and civilian population with an ease that both awed and frightened Rodney.

Their destination was a remote lab on the outskirts of the city, far enough away to allow for privacy and uninterrupted work on personal projects. Because, while Elizabeth was fine with the idea of personal hobbies as a means of keeping up morale, keeping out of the sights of an infatuated Kavanagh was proving difficult.

Keeping out of the gun sights of an infuriated Sgt. Bates was proving to be damn problematic.

It was well known around the city that Bates had the hots for Kavanagh, though no one could yet fathom a reason why. Rodney shuddered at the thought that he'd managed to get caught up in their messed up love life. He couldn't fathom why Kavanagh had turned his attention on him or why Bates seemed to think it was his fault.

The sound of footsteps could be heard down the hall and the Major pushed him up against the wall to hide their location until the patrol passed by. The feel of the Major's lean, slightly sweaty body pressed up against Rodney's own was enough to steal his breath away.

It was then that Rodney realized the Major was humming the theme of a familiar tune.

"Mission Impossible?" Rodney hissed softly.

"What?" Major Sheppard asked, then smiled thoughtfully. "Oh, that."

"I know, I know, you watched the show in your misspent youth and saw the Tom Cruise movies so many times you could have bought stock in Hollywood."

Sheppard tensed as the footsteps approached and relaxed only as they continued on, moving away from their location. "Ah - no."

Despite being hidden in the shadows, it was still possible for Rodney to see the Major was blushing. "No? Then what?"

"DC Cabs."

"What does Mission Impossible have to do with taxi service in your country's capital city?"

Sheppard let out a long breath and dared a look at Rodney. "No, it was a movie about a group of misfit taxi cab drivers in DC who, in the end, banded together to save the day. They - they sang the theme to Mission Impossible."

"It's some horrible, B-rated movie that you're going to make me watch the first chance you get, right?"

When that quirky smile appeared on the Major's face, Rodney discovered that having fun with the Major wasn't as hard as he had initially believed.

"That's a date."

---tbc


End file.
